|Bee, baby girl and Dorian kitten|
We still have not spoke with our agency since giving back the baby. I guess because of the holiday and weekend. Not sure what we think of the whole situation and how to move on.
Many thoughts have come to mind, some of them actually NOT containing four letter words.
First of all I am thrilled to have had the opportunity to take care of a newborn in my home. I have lots of baby experience from my work, but this was so different. Hubby and I worked together like a well oiled machine. We are parental Rock Stars! After the initial buckling into the car seat I didn't have a moment of doubt. We could meet this baby's needs for ever and ever! I really had nothing but sympathy for the birth parents and was eager to take her on a visit so they could see she is well cared for.
Another realization - that might have been my only trip to a hospital to pick up a baby ever. Foster/adoption doesn't usually begin at the hospital. Really, baby girl should have gone to an emergency placement while they worked out who had claims on her. She took a detour to our house before landing with her already adopted sister.
This was amazing - It hit me last night.
I have never been able to pour that kind of love on anyone before. Hubby is different, stepson is different, kittens are different. Nothing is like mommy love on a baby. I feel like it's been pent up inside, eating at me. I didn't really know what that feeling was; like I had been wasting something. So part of me got a taste and I want more. Another part just wants to be satisfied with the little bit I got and end the suffering for myself and our family. We'll see.