Friday, April 17, 2009

good bye "Blobby"

I am 6 weeks post a D & C that removed what was left of "Blobby" from my body. I started relaxing just like everyone tells you, finally I had made it out of the dreaded frist trimester, Victorious! 16 week fetus intact until 3/2/09, when the freaked out CNM still couldn't find a heartbeat on doppler. The vag cam showed a very still "Blobby" with no heartbeat. Call in the other doc to look, confirmed, dead "Blobby."

Hilarity ensued, cry cry cry, I'm so sorry, we don't know why, nothing you did or didn't do, more crying, husband wants a break, i want answers or action or some shred of hope. Back on zoloft. Damn I already rsvp'd to her shower! Must be strong, must be good wife, stepmom, friend, worker bee, wanna bee. Failure at all of the above, failed eggs, failed lining, failed womb.