Wednesday, January 26, 2011

First weeks reflections

I love having Little Man here. He is a wonderful reminder to enjoy each moment because we do not know what the future holds.
A couple of weeks before we got our LM I was at work and had a terrible, sad, realization. I was in my cubicle which is situated just outside of a conference room. This room is the main place where social workers meet with parents who are at risk of losing their child or have already lost them and are working to get them back. These meetings are called for all parties involved to share information and to have some very "straight talk " about how things are going in the home and what needs to change for the child to go home. I have sat in on many meetings - usually when there is a health issue in question. The meetings are intense and often lots of tears are shed, maybe a little denial, hopefully some better understanding comes about. So this particular day the door opens and a woman is sobbing right outside my cubicle. The sobbing continues despite the "comforting" from the SW. Security is called, mental health is questioned, just because she said "why would I want to live if I can't have my baby?" I felt so sorry for her. Like a ton of bricks I realized my joy will not come without someone elses pain. I will not have a child without another family losing a child.
I feel very torn these days. I love LM. I want him to have a whole complete healthy family. I want his family to be successful and change their lives for his sake. And I want them to fail so he will never leave us. I want them to want LM to stay with us because they know it is best if they cannot make him safe.

Such a strange position to be in . . . .

How about a cute cat picture??  Lookee!

Yes - that is the old school desk I have restored! I kept it very rustic and the kitties think it's an awesome place to sit and look at birdies.

Monday, January 24, 2011

so sleepy

Our Little Man is awesome! He went from 8 lbs 13 oz last week to a whopping 9 lbs 9 oz this week! We see the cardiologist tommorrow and then hopefully things will slow down a bit. Usually he sleeps quite well, but last night we were all off. Hubby woke me up at 2:45 so I could take over. Rough night, not a lot of crying, but LM would whine everytime we put him down.
Tonight I swaddled him and put on the white noise CD - we need better sleep today! Oh and happy ICLW :o)

Monday, January 17, 2011

no more waiting

Little Man is with us and getting in the swing of things. I got to sleep from midnight until 4 am then back to sleep at 5 until 7 am. I feel refreshed. LM is still asleep. I need to call for a doctors appointment, so I am waiting for the office to open right now.
He has really funny facial expressions and is over 8.5 pounds of baby boy. The world of social workers descend on us tommorrow. We have a visit from our agency and I'm sure a call from his county to set up visits. It's been wonderful to have a three day weekend of just us and Little Man.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

leap of faith in progress

got another call from our adoption stork - no our healing time is NOT up, but we have again been offered an infant. And we said let's do it - I feel very calm about this one.

stay tuned

update - there is a baby boy who needs a home and we have agreed to take him in and love him for as long as we have him. Reunification will of course be offered, but it seems like it will be a tough road for the mother if she is able to do it. Baby boy is 5 days old, 10 pounds and has not left the hospital yet. We may pick him up tommorrow. This time I kind of feel prepared, except for baby clothes for a 10 pound boy!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

possible movement in my direction

Just spoke with the Grand Pooh-Bah of adoptions in our county. He was supposed to get clarity from my agency for my Big Boss about why my job position presents a conflict of interest. Yeah ! GBP does seem to understand that staying at this job gets in my way. He agrees I would not be able to adopt from our county if I stay here. AND he is calling my BB to tell her what he has discovered.
At least we have some clarity. Now if they want to screw me over they have no excuse, but meanness.

Today I spoke with the baby girl's social worker and sent pictures of her with us from her 2 days at our home. I hope baby girl is told the complete story of her life someday and that she knows we were a part of it too. I still miss her.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Still waiting . . .

Before Christmas I had requested a job transfer - see this post.  Well, no news so far. To give you idea of the crazy I have to deal with, here is an exact quote from my direct supervisor sent to me in an email.
"I am reasonably sure that you will be granted a transfer, but wouldn’t put any stock in it. I just hope things work out well for you."  WTF??!!

So when I come back in January I happened to check the job board and there is the job I want posted for everyone to see. Not that there is anything wrong with posting it - in fact it is the right thing to do! So I called the contact person AND sent her an email. I had to call her the next day to get acknowledgment that my request had been received. The supervisor for that position is in the loop - she knows I want to come over, but she said they are not sure when they will be setting up interviews. Come on people!
This month I will reach my 17th anniversary working for this county. Help me - I must be sick. Really . . . I guess I am more like a junkie - hooked on vacation days and other benefits. Arrgggh. Got a government monkey on my back.