Tuesday, June 14, 2011


Woke up feeling anxious.

Nasty weird dream about rain and our house floating off its foundation. Woke up feeling very unsettled. And tired. LM got up at 4:30 ish and just needed holding, I was sleepy, but it was nice. Okay the dream might be related to the "rain sound" CD that LM sleeps to and the novel I am reading The Children's Hospital, at any rate I woke with a feeling of anticipation and possible doom!

I WANT the new job. Today I go for the second interview to meet the big wigs.

I WANT LM to stay with us forever. Visits are to be increased and I am nervous about how it will all come together. December is the end of 6 months of services for Birth mom. LM will be almost 1 year old. I can't imagine him leaving us. I can't imagine him living in a home that is not ours. Way in the back of my brain I know it is possible, but in order to keep my sanity and care for my baby boy, I have to believe he is ours forever.

I will deal with reality when it changes.


Logical Libby said...

That's all you can do. You have to bond, and know that even if your heart gets broken, you did what was best for him.

Leave the worrying to me. I'm praying hard for you.

Kelly said...

It is all you can do. Just love on him, and love on him, and love on him.