40 days

In 40 days I will be recieving an embryo transfer and be pregnant, at least for a little while if not all the way until June 2009. I took a big step today and have given myself permission to take some much needed time away from my crazy job. The work is not hard intellectually, but emotionally it's a killer. I spend my days hearing about and reading about abused children. Worse yet are the impossible unfair situations parents, children and the people trying to help are trying to correct with little or no resources. So it has been a giant mind &%#$! the last two years trying to have our own child, dealing with miscarriages and being constantly exposed to the ugliness of my work. I have cracked many, many times. I have worked full time since 1989 in nursing, almost 15 years for the county. I have taken vacation, but never any time longer than about 2 weeks. So I need to work it out, but I think I will be taking about 6 weeks in September and October. In these next 40 days I have promised myself to be attentive to my needs first. My tasks will include, journaling, listening to my fertility CD, drinking good tea, walking, and feeding myself well, more to come I am sure.

It's official

I am a recognized "artist." I entered my cuddly creation Poulette the Toe Sock Chicken, into the California State Fair Creative Arts competition and she won second place!!! I have been slacking off since I created her. Time to finish the instructions and make kits for sale as well as a few hand made chickens by me to post on Etsy.com. Who knows maybe this is a new career!

where to begin . . .

The blank page is always intimidating. This I remember from art classes. Just make the first mark and go, it can't be wrong. Squeak Carnwrath was one of my first "real" art teachers. She would critique our work by making the noises she saw in our art. "I like how this part goes errrrrck pahh." There was always something to be appreciated in each piece even if the overall art was unintentionally tragic. So wanna bee is about what I want to be at this point in my life and forward. For several years now I have wanted to be a mother, it hasn't worked out so far, but I have more ways to get there. From my youth I wanted to be a comedian like Paul Lind or Charles Nelson Reily or a cruise director like Julie on The Love Boat. Art has always been a hobby - I used to say in college if I had any guts I'd be an artist, so that's why I graduated from nursing school, security.
I'm trying to remember that lesson from Squeak - even though each piece of my life is not a masterpiece there is at least a little bit in each part that I love.