"the call" - kind of

We're back from a great vacation. Our family is a beach family. Mountains and deserts are stunningly beautiful, but the beach is THE BEST. This year, some friends with kids dropped in and out over the vacation week. Quite an assortment of children and parenting styles to be observed. We love interacting with children - hubby and I find them fascinating.

Our teen (now 13.5 and about to enter high school,) was terrifically tolerant of all the little kids and high noise/activity levels.

I have to admit, if we had a child placed with us before vacation I don't know how we would have fit all of us in our car! We brought all the comforts of home with us :o).

So back from vacation and feeling a little worried about how long we have waited. "Conflict of interest" eliminates access to children in the county I live and work in. At work I have social workers telling me "If only we could do it - I have the perfect baby for you!" However we are going to need to find a child elsewhere - or I can quit my job (very tempting.) I stay because I have vacation and sick leave saved up to take care of my new child, and the benefits are quite good in this poor economy. Just to feel like I was doing something I gave our SW a call at the agency and left a "touching base" message. Previously we had heard about a baby boy who might fail to reunify with his parents and could be available in August.

Tuesday evening I get a return call from The Adoption Stork who lets me know there is no new news about the previously discussed baby boy. BUT she wanted to tell me about another "situation."  So my heart starts beating fast, but I wasn't really sure if this was "the call" people talk about or not. Short version of the phone call - toddler in another county, boy, (blah, blah blah) for the sake of his privacy. I listened and asked questions, most questions lead to more questions, but no answers. My heart sank hearing about what he has been through and knowing he needs a forever home. I told TAS I would discuss it with my hubby and call her the next day. Before I got off the phone I knew this was not the situation for us, but felt the need to take some time and see what hubby thought.

I thought I would be the holder of "the line." My hubby thought he would take in any child offered to us. I found it very hard to say no, super guilt inducing. Hubby said yes the boy needs a good home, but we need a good fit for our family. I had nightmares related to the call that night. We said no.