Sunday, July 18, 2010

"the call" - kind of

We're back from a great vacation. Our family is a beach family. Mountains and deserts are stunningly beautiful, but the beach is THE BEST. This year, some friends with kids dropped in and out over the vacation week. Quite an assortment of children and parenting styles to be observed. We love interacting with children - hubby and I find them fascinating.

Our teen (now 13.5 and about to enter high school,) was terrifically tolerant of all the little kids and high noise/activity levels.

I have to admit, if we had a child placed with us before vacation I don't know how we would have fit all of us in our car! We brought all the comforts of home with us :o).

So back from vacation and feeling a little worried about how long we have waited. "Conflict of interest" eliminates access to children in the county I live and work in. At work I have social workers telling me "If only we could do it - I have the perfect baby for you!" However we are going to need to find a child elsewhere - or I can quit my job (very tempting.) I stay because I have vacation and sick leave saved up to take care of my new child, and the benefits are quite good in this poor economy. Just to feel like I was doing something I gave our SW a call at the agency and left a "touching base" message. Previously we had heard about a baby boy who might fail to reunify with his parents and could be available in August.

Tuesday evening I get a return call from The Adoption Stork who lets me know there is no new news about the previously discussed baby boy. BUT she wanted to tell me about another "situation."  So my heart starts beating fast, but I wasn't really sure if this was "the call" people talk about or not. Short version of the phone call - toddler in another county, boy, (blah, blah blah) for the sake of his privacy. I listened and asked questions, most questions lead to more questions, but no answers. My heart sank hearing about what he has been through and knowing he needs a forever home. I told TAS I would discuss it with my hubby and call her the next day. Before I got off the phone I knew this was not the situation for us, but felt the need to take some time and see what hubby thought.

I thought I would be the holder of "the line." My hubby thought he would take in any child offered to us. I found it very hard to say no, super guilt inducing. Hubby said yes the boy needs a good home, but we need a good fit for our family. I had nightmares related to the call that night. We said no.


lookin4you said...

I am so sorry that you had to say no to this little boy, I am sure that you did what was best for him and your family....It is hard, I was never in that situation (I was trying internationally) but I want to extend my well wishes to you and hope that you are placed with a child soon!!

(would you consider allowing people to log in with name and url, I am logged in now with old wordpress account- which never gets updated- thanks!!)


Logical Libby said...

There is nothing wrong with saying no. It has to be right for your family. Your baby will come.

Miss Ruby said...

Glad to hear that you had a super holiday! I love the beach which is why we only live 5 minutes drive from it!

I agree with your hubby, while you want a new addition, the new addition does have to fit with your family otherwise it just won't work.

You made the right decision!


Grace said...

that little boy will end up with family that is just right for him and him for them -- and you will end up with your own perfect match!

happy iclw!

Pixie said...

I agree with Logical Libby, who was quite logical in her response (go figure). You made the right choice for your family and the right family is out there for that little boy. Best of luck!

Cheese Curds and Kimchi

Sarah S said...

I am glad you were able make the best decision for your family!!

I hope that the perfect fit finds there way to you soon!

Happy ICLW

Ashlee G. said...

best wishes to you in everything!

iclw #50

christine said...

Beach vacations are the best!

I'm hoping you get the call about the situation that is right for your family soon!!

Best of luck on this journey

ICLW #27