Thursday, April 1, 2010

Mean Mommy

I haven't ever birthed a baby, but still I get to be the Mean Mommy.
So to explain - I married into a ready made family, Daddy and Son. The Son who is now 13 goes between our two houses every other week. My issue? I have a problem with rules. Oh yeah, I love rules and the structure they provide, because then you can bend them and still be in the right. I also think learning the rules is an important task for a child to function in society as they would like. Once you know how to follow the rules them you can make choices. Some people make rules, then never follow up - I HATE THIS! And I think the bio mother of the 13 year old is just that kind of person.
13 year old got some poor grades based on his choice to not do homework and to lie to his parental units that he had none or that is was already done. Short term thinking obviously. So the bio mom was really upset about the lying and cracked down hard. I don't really have a say in all of this, but I am supposed to follow the rules. Homework first, no TV, no video games, no Yu gi go cards, no sleepovers. Fine I can do that, consistancy is one of my strong suits.
So spring break week comes and I take the time off to be with the 13 year old. Lots of adventure ideas dance through my head. Then his bio mom wants him to stay with her longer, cutting into our week. Who am I, what am I going to say, NO? So  fine now the 5 weekdays are only 3. The boy comes back to us with a cold - this is frequently the case. He's seen every movie already. I decide to give him a free day wednesday and mentally plan fun for thursday.

Wednesday night I ask - so did you get any homework over Spring Break?
Answer yeah, math, spanish, english.
Well its done already right? (I say recalling the rules)
No, I haven't started.

. . . WTF!!! inside my head voice - now I get to feel like a bitch and I didn't even make these goddammned rules!

So here I sit thursday morning knowing that homework is not really happening at any reasonable pace debating on leaving him here and enjoying myself or staying to crack the whip over his head. At least he is 13 and I can leave him alone!

I do feel the need to separate myself from a situation I cannot control, but I am torn because like it or not I am a parent to him too.

I also admit - this is one of the reasons I want my own child that just my husband and I can raise. No more group parenting please!

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