being "Real"

When you pour your feelings out for the world to see, you wonder if anyone will ever see it.

Remember the Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams?

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."


Thanks internet ALI community, friends old and new, for making me REAL! Check out more very real writings at Creme-de-la-Creme of 2009 - thanks Mel, I am very proud to be #120!

the Stork part deux

So the adoption Stork is coming out to our house on friday. One last look to check that the knives are locked away and poison isn't being served as snacks. Our adoption Stork also needs to speak with the 13 year old boy in our house - who speaks less and less everyday - good luck lady!

What's really on my mind is loss of control. Up until now I have had a feeling of control over this adoption process. Nope, nothing is happening at our house until we get the paperwork together and hand it over, so there, you can't make me until I'm good and ready! I consciously chose to ease through the holidays without the possibility of a baby. But now we are reaching the end of any illusion of calling the shots. By the end of January our homestudy should be complete, approved and ready to present to the world. Will we have a baby in March? Will we be called to take a child we are not sure about? How do you possibly make the right decision.

(Later that same week. . .)

The Adoption Stork came and went, and now the ball is in her court.

Yay, I guess. . . problem is, now we wait. How long, no one can tell. This is normal and expected, but ABNORMAL things have been happening in child welfare in our area.

First of all I work for a county and therefore cannot adopt from my own county. Okay, fine. The economy has hit child welfare hard, layoffs, policy changes, and high stress levels. And in a very ironic turn of events MANY fewer babies are being removed from their drug using mothers at birth. Not sure if the baby fountain has "dried up" in other counties, but boy are things different than 1 year ago.

Technically, depending on how you look at the law - it is not necessarily child abuse if the bad things happened before a kid was born. So in order to have your baby removed from your care - we need to see the physical harm first. Wow, here we go again. Kids have to be hurt before being protected.

stepping off my soap box now - I know I can't save the world. I just want to be a mom.

well . . . since you asked

So for those not in the know usually when the Stork brings you a baby, you just take what you get. This is not true for the adoption Stork. The adoption Stork asks you what sort of baby you would like, boy, girl, healthy, deformed, eternally dependant, delayed in school, heart defect, behaviors that will end playdates? You can ask for what you'd like - if you are willing to wait and are also willing to possibly not get a baby at all.

The "normal" path to parenthood comes with the illusion of a perfect baby in the end. We all know anything can happen along the way and generally people will say "we'll handle whatever comes our way."
BUT are you willing to sign up for a rough road - on purpose??
It really does give one pause.

If you knew the chemical, physical, or pyschological trauma your baby has been exposed to was bound to cause a deficit of some sort, would you say - bring it on?

It's a strange thing to pick and choose your "poison." Kinda makes you feel like a wimp. What? You afraid of a little Cerebral Palsy or ADHD? Some very successful people have had those diagnoses! Medication can fix all the mental health issues right? Never mind those pesky side effects. Don't tell me you're wussing out now! You wanted a baby - right?