Monday, May 25, 2009

Life Saver

Most of my "peak experience" moments have come when I feel I have truly connected with another person. Being understood is so valuable to me. I've found connection in the mostly unlikely places - most recently at an RE's office.

This little man does not look like a miracle worker, but he is. Dr. V gives life. He does what he can to make a new baby life possible, and sometimes it actually works. He didn't help me get a baby, but he gave me my life back.

I met with him on 5/15/09, 10 weeks after they removed my "not a baby anymore" Blobby. DH and I have 7 frozen 2PN - that means fertilized eggs that have divided once, thus 2 cells now. Dr. V spent at least 2 hours with me running "what if" scenarios. What IF we ran every known test on me again, What IF we put me on Heparin even though there is no indication that it would help, What IF we stick the eggs in someone else's baby cooker, What IF we had $50,000 to throw at the problem, What IF I actually got pregnant again, What IF I went insane trying to believe my body could keep a baby alive longer than 14 weeks?

Every internet possibility was discussed. Finally we got down to what he thinks is going on. I can hardly believe he was actually willing to make and educated guess! I was totally seduced by this man. He started by telling me I knew more than most of the OB doctors who have treated me, and he respects that I was being logical while still having my emotions. I was crying the whole time of course. Oh my God he SOOOO gets me!

Then he crossed the line of self disclosure and I was completely melted. Dr. V told me "You remind me of my wife, our son has autism and she would do anything to to make him better." He started crying too, awwwww. "We have searched for answers and tried many things, but what are you going to do? We plan for his future the best way we know how."

It was such a moment of universal recognition of our commonality - I love those moments. All titles get dropped. No one has it worse than someone else. And somehow, even though we can't fix it for each other we have both been helped.

So I left, Dr. V said whatever we decide he would help me. And behind his little glasses, through his tears, he told ME to be strong.

1 comment:

KuKd Chick said...

Beautiful post. I love those moments too. Agree: real human connection is one of those things (increasingly rare in this digital age, it seems)that makes ya feel grounded, connected, better somehow. And this man was obviously walking a path of sorrow different from yours, but a path of sorrow nonetheless. There's something soothing about that, knowing we aren't all alone in the world.