Wednesday, December 3, 2008

holding on to hope

Right now I like the feeling of being hopeful. Our transfer was great except that I had to pee really bad. The photos of the embryos are awesome. Being a science geek from way back it is absolutely fascinating to be able to see your potential baby at such an early stage. Last night the thought in my head before I fell asleep was "how do I stop Saturday from coming?" Thursday, oh that's tomorrow, is the first beta, but they hold the sample until the second beta and run them together. So I still have PTSD from my last cycle and the BFN result. It keeps running through my head, how will I handle the news this time if its bad?
The real mind#%*k with IVF is that worse than yes or no, there is such a thing as kind of pregnant. Maybe the labs don't look so good, but not really bad, so you continue to hope or cry, but you just have to get more blood drawn and wait.
For Saturday I will have the clinic call my husband at home. I will be helping a friend at her child's birthday party (an 8 yr old IVF twin!) Then after the party is over I will go home and hear the news. Or maybe I'll go see a movie, drive to Nevada, forget where I live - that will stop Saturday from coming for sure!
Yeah I can wait, at least today I can say I am pregnant until proven otherwise.

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