where are we now ?

Okay, here's what I have been told. Court case has moved past the Juris/Dispo level and now we are into 6 months of services for mother, finally! No bio father has been found, and sounds like all leads are coming up dry. The potential to place with Grandmother is a dead issue.

There was a suspicion on the part of the Bio mom's attorney that somehow we "pulled strings" and got this placement as a favor. (Yeah right!) The placement with us was being contested and it felt really bad to think our Little Man could be moved because of the appearance of shady dealings. At any rate I guess the right people were asked the right questions AND bio mom is happy with the placement with us so the issue has been dropped.

Bio mom is going to have 6 hrs per week of visitation. I am going to assume this means 3 - 2 hr visits, but I have not been contacted officially yet.

Little Man is funnier everyday. And at just over 5 months he is eating eagerly and self feeding with those weird rice "crackers."

The biggest news is about me! I have a great job interview last week and I am going for the second interview on Tuesday. I have been unhappy in my job many years and am ready to move on. The new job will be mentally challenging and VERY close to home. Plus I get to work with a friend! Oh please let this all come together. Other item about me - not so fun. Been having belly pain for a couple of weeks. I am scheduled to have a CT scan on the 21st of this month.

things are looking UP

Our Little Man is alomst 5 months old and full of smiles, slobber, grunts, and funny sounds. Last week . . . nope, no resolution officially at court, but a shift did happen.

Monday visitation is supervised by our agency's social worker. Birth mom had lots of questions about myself and hubby. She also stated that her mother said NO to raising the baby (again.) And Birth mom said she liked that LM was happy and clean with us and asked if we could adopt him if she cannot get him back!

Holy yippee bat man! I don't know who has been talking to her, but someone has and we could not be more thrilled! Last Friday due to county staffing issues I supervised the visit and she asked me the same thing :o). I just told her she need never worry - LM can stay with us forever.

No word on paternity results yet. The county social worker tells me she thinks the potential father only agreed to test because she threatened to come out to his house. AND he is married with children, so looks like he is trying to keep this possibility quiet for now. It is doubtful that he would want services.

Again I am told 6/6/11 is THE date for jurisdiction, hi ho, we'll see . . . (sigh) anyway. 

Welcome ICLW!

The three words I use to describe my blog are loss, adoption and craftiness.
Craftiness takes many forms and can be seen scattered throughout my blog. This little shrine was something I created after misscarriage # 2 or 3, I can't remember. The Artsy Fartsy page has some of my photos - I really should post more here.
Loss is from our 4 miscarriages that include failure of a donor egg pregnancy at 16 weeks. Loss also includes our fantasy about adoption.
We are fost/adoptive parents simply because we could not afford domestic adoption after spending so much on assorted ART. We also feel strongly about adopting close to home and are hoping to have a somewhat open relationship with birthparents of our forever child. Our fantasy was crushed back in November 2010 and we will never be the same.
Currently you can read here about Little Man! He is now 4.5 months old and has lived with us since he was 10 days old. He is a joy, HUGE, smiley, cuddly and a great sleeper. He is part of our family and we are loving every minute. He is placed with us through CPS of course and the legal process has been muddy at best. We knew his mother would get reunification services and we are rooting for her success. Problem is, it is 4 months since his placement and we don't have a plan from the court. LM visits his mom 3 days a week with supervision. He has had no contact with a father or any grandparents, BUT mom's attorney has asked for a trial contesting his placement with us and asking for LM to be placed with maternal grandmother. Current word is the trial on the placement issue will be next week 5/26/11 . Hold us in your thoughts. I have come to a calm place about the issue. I can do nothing, I don't know the whole story, justice and what is "right" is very subjective. So we live our lives - loving our baby boy as long as he is with us. Oh and I am actually excited to hear that 2 men are being tested for paternity. One we know is not the father, but the other might be.

close call for Dad

That is my Dad, not Hubby aka Daddy to our Little Man.

So it goes like this - on Mother's Day my Dad was so sick they went to urgent care. My Dad lives in North Carolina with my Mom who recently survived her second cancer (colon this time.) Both are in their early 70's and doing alright. So Dad had several tick bites over the last few weeks and now felt really crappy. Blood work showed he was VERY low in infection fighting white blood cells and also very low in plateletts that help you stop bleeding. The standard antibiotic was given assuming he may have one of the 10 possible infections carried by ticks. Dad got sicker and sicker and put in the hospital on Wednesday 5/11. Antibiotics were changed to IV and they seemed to do no good. Blood work was still very concerning. Oncologist came to see Dad, bone marrow aspiration was planned for 5/13/11. Just another reason I wanted to cruise through last friday. In my head I was signing - "Don't nobody bring me no bad news!"

Leukemia was the worst possibility, but I won't keep you in suspense the bone marrow was fine days later. Dad went home on monday feeling much better. I don't think we had a definitive diagnosis, but we all vote for the tick thing.

As for court last week - who knows. I wrote an informational letter to LM's attorney just to get it off my chest. We never heard if there was another continuance or if we had disposition. Now it is a week later and not a word from anyone. LM felt poorly over the weekend and then I got sick for the last few days. Looks like we are both better and happy to be heading into a weekend.

Another hearing date

Getting dull for you all yet? Yes another hearing is set for this week 5/12/11. Maybe it won't be continued again, maybe it will. This time I am sort of afraid of the outcome. I know a grandma has asked for placement, but she previously said she could not do it. I have also "caught wind" that there is questions about why LM was placed with us, and out of his county of origin. I don't know why, but I hear mom's attorney is trying to imply we got placement as a favor because I know some of the county employees.

Bull Shit and distraction by a lawyer trying to buy time for the client. That's what I think anyway.

I want to get through thursday, and I am feeling like I don't want to answer the phone or go to a visit on friday.

I feel like a fake mom

Yes I do all the mothery things and I know I am THE MOTHER in the mind of our Little Man. At the same time there is still turmoil about LMs placement with us. I heard the birth mother's lawyer is arguing that the baby should not have been placed so far away. I also heard grandmother is interested in him now, when she already said she could not care for him. By the way, grandmother lives as far away as I do. All of this is a distraction from the real question - can birth mom be a Mom? How about leaving the boy in one spot so he can thrive until we get that question answered.

Yesterday as we made brunch for my mother in law and Granny I felt unable to soak in any praises I got for being a good mother. I am just waiting for the rug to be pulled out and dump me on my ass.

first day at daycare

Went well for little man although it was certainly atypical.

7:30 drop off by mommy (me)
10:30 pick up by SW that little man has never met & drive to visit
12-1 visit with birth mom
1:30 return to daycare
4:30 pick up by daddy
5:45 mommy home from work and can't put baby down!

Luckily that is just on monday. Tuesdays and Thursdays are more normal. Wednesday Daddy takes LM to a visit and friday Mommy has driving duty.

Daycare lady says LM had smiles for everyone. Glad he was happy - I was . . . not so much.