things are looking UP

Our Little Man is alomst 5 months old and full of smiles, slobber, grunts, and funny sounds. Last week . . . nope, no resolution officially at court, but a shift did happen.

Monday visitation is supervised by our agency's social worker. Birth mom had lots of questions about myself and hubby. She also stated that her mother said NO to raising the baby (again.) And Birth mom said she liked that LM was happy and clean with us and asked if we could adopt him if she cannot get him back!

Holy yippee bat man! I don't know who has been talking to her, but someone has and we could not be more thrilled! Last Friday due to county staffing issues I supervised the visit and she asked me the same thing :o). I just told her she need never worry - LM can stay with us forever.

No word on paternity results yet. The county social worker tells me she thinks the potential father only agreed to test because she threatened to come out to his house. AND he is married with children, so looks like he is trying to keep this possibility quiet for now. It is doubtful that he would want services.

Again I am told 6/6/11 is THE date for jurisdiction, hi ho, we'll see . . . (sigh) anyway. 

first day at daycare

Went well for little man although it was certainly atypical.

7:30 drop off by mommy (me)
10:30 pick up by SW that little man has never met & drive to visit
12-1 visit with birth mom
1:30 return to daycare
4:30 pick up by daddy
5:45 mommy home from work and can't put baby down!

Luckily that is just on monday. Tuesdays and Thursdays are more normal. Wednesday Daddy takes LM to a visit and friday Mommy has driving duty.

Daycare lady says LM had smiles for everyone. Glad he was happy - I was . . . not so much.

Times they are a changin'

So today was supposed to be the continued hearing once again - I'm taking bets - who thinks it was continued again for some new BS reason? Who thinks we now have a completed Juris & Disposition and now the 6 month clock for services begins??  Truly I do not know. I am not sure I even dare to ask.

Next Monday life changes drastically for all of us. Yep I go back to "work." I tell you I am hooked on the money, but I feel largely useless working in the governmental swamp that is my current job. I continue to look for a better work experience. Lucky me I have a friend on the "inside" at another employer trying to help out.

Little Man goes to daycare next week. I found a very homey home in our neighborhood. I am going to try to get myself out of bed at 5:30 am to get him ready and me off to work by 7:30, wish me luck. Hubby is on pick up duty. Monday he will go to daycare and then be picked up by a Social Worker he has never met to be driven 60 miles each way for a visit with his mother and then be returned to daycare. Tuesdays & Thursdays he gets to just hang at daycare. Wednesday Hubby takes him out of county for the Mommy & Me class then sends him back to daycare for a few hours. Fridays I take him for a morning visit then back to daycare so I can work half a day and hopefully not get fired for excessive time off.

4 month old baby shots happen tommorrow - I'll check in with the stats for ya'll after our appointment.

Nothing is promised

Things change oh so quickly. I was feeling confident last week and just about to buy more furniture for LM's room. Yesterday that changed. My SW New Stork came for a visit - we have been ordered by the court to have 3 visits per week. Starting right now. Okay I am off for 2 more weeks before the return to work so I will work it out. Plan has been I will do friday visits, hubby will do wednesday visits and the agency will do the third. Well - New Stork is leaving town for another job. Both agencies are complaining about being short stafffed, so supervision is difficult.

This part pisses me off - a lack of visits therefore not following court orders makes the court pissy. I hear not everyone is pleased that Little Man is placed so far away, so we need to have visits be a non issue. So the systems BS could get this boy taken from the only home he has known so he can be closer.

Another bomb dropped, grandmother is now requesting placement. I have no idea if this is a real threat to us or not. I know the court favors relatives and not much weight is given to the child's bonding in foster care.

I've been a very good mother to LM, better than I thought. I don't know how to handle this new turn.

who's your mama?

I get a big thrill every time Little Man is held by someone else and looks for me. People instinctively say "Where's mommy?" It's heart melting.
Yesterday I was picking LM up from the visit with his birth mom. She was talking and cuddling him. LM saw me and smiled and leaned my way. I don't think the birthmom took it poorly. She kept talking to him and me, she said "ah-goo." This is a common sound from LM. Then she told me she has written down "ah-goo" in his baby book as his first word.
Back out in the car driving away with my baby I wanted to cry. What kind of mom am I? I have no baby book for him. What will happen to her if she can't get this boy back? What is Mother's Day like for us?

This week I also had a visit with the county social worker. It answered a lot of questions and gave me hope that LM will be staying with us for along time and likely forever. There are plenty of hoops to jump through and a long drawn out legal process for the birth mother to go through, bless her heart. And starting asap we will have to take him to 3 visits per week. He's part of our family and we will work it out.

ICLW ~ come on back now, ya'hear

Welcome friends and "I Com. Leave We" peeps. Well today was the big day again.
Annnnnddd, I still know nothing.

Our Little man has lived in our home for over 2 months and NO county social worker has come to see him at our home. Today was going to be a visit with his SW and the SW from our agency AKA New Stork. We were hoping to hear how the very important Jursdiction/Dispostion hearing went that was supposed to happen on 1/27/11 and then got delayed until 3/7/11. I got a call this morning from the county SW and she has to go to court on another case so no visit with her.

I asked a bit about the case. There are only two names of men who may possibly be his bio dad that they can try to track down. No word from either of them. The JD hearing DID NOT happen on 3/7/11 because the mother's attorney asked for more time. It is now set for 3/24/11. I have no idea what that might mean. I also expressed my concern regarding logistics and visitation once I go back to work. Again kind of a moot point to make a real plan until the JD hearing is done.

So we continue to wait, while LM gains weight. Check this out.

LM's hand (the tan hand) at 11 weeks is bigger than the hand of our 5 month old friend! I think he's gonna be a big boy :o)

2 months with Little Man at home

Time flies. Two months already, but I wish we could fast forward 6 months, because that would mean LM was even more likely to stay with us.
Right now I have our agency social worker visiting us once every 2 weeks instead of weekly - yeah! The visitation schedule is still at 2 days a week, but now I take LM to meet his birth mom at a "mommy and Me" class that lasts 1.5 hrs on wednesdays. Friday visits are the same 1 hour at the CPS county office. Next Monday the county social worker will be coming to my house for the first time. I am hoping to get a better picture of where we are headed at that time.
LM and I have our routine, morning nap, poop, afternoon nap with eating and playing in between. He is a happy little guy. We have "spa night" every once in a while when he gets in my big tub with me. He loves to float in the water, all that baby fat sure is bouyant! But how does the boy get so much dirt under his nails???

time for a random cat picture . . .


Jack is up top and Dorian is getting a bit too big for the condo.

Ice Breaker

Yeah so we did have that meeting one week ago. It was very casual - Just us. Hubby, Me, New Stork Little Man and Birth Mom. Not even a single person representing the county that took the baby from Birth Mom. But then again they said the point was to talk about the baby and not the case. Alright - Birth Mom was "fine." She told us what she knew about Little Man, which isn't a lot since she has not had him with her. We let her know he is doing very well. Our New Stork tried to ask some probing questions about possible fathers, but it got nowhere. I think there are some very fuzzy details in Birth Mom's mind.
Funniest part she said she was concerned that we had to drive so far to bring the baby, but we looked like older people and were probably good drivers.
Hubby and I left feeling nothing but compassion for the Birth Mom. If she can do this she needs to get her baby back quick. The "clock" of services will not being until the next hearing is done. That hearing got pushed back to March, apparently there is more to investigate before the disposition. September would be the month for termination of services IF she shows no progress.
Hard for me to focus on just loving the little guy while he is here, but now that he smiles a bit its easier to live in the moment.

First weeks reflections

I love having Little Man here. He is a wonderful reminder to enjoy each moment because we do not know what the future holds.
A couple of weeks before we got our LM I was at work and had a terrible, sad, realization. I was in my cubicle which is situated just outside of a conference room. This room is the main place where social workers meet with parents who are at risk of losing their child or have already lost them and are working to get them back. These meetings are called for all parties involved to share information and to have some very "straight talk " about how things are going in the home and what needs to change for the child to go home. I have sat in on many meetings - usually when there is a health issue in question. The meetings are intense and often lots of tears are shed, maybe a little denial, hopefully some better understanding comes about. So this particular day the door opens and a woman is sobbing right outside my cubicle. The sobbing continues despite the "comforting" from the SW. Security is called, mental health is questioned, just because she said "why would I want to live if I can't have my baby?" I felt so sorry for her. Like a ton of bricks I realized my joy will not come without someone elses pain. I will not have a child without another family losing a child.
I feel very torn these days. I love LM. I want him to have a whole complete healthy family. I want his family to be successful and change their lives for his sake. And I want them to fail so he will never leave us. I want them to want LM to stay with us because they know it is best if they cannot make him safe.

Such a strange position to be in . . . .

How about a cute cat picture??  Lookee!

Yes - that is the old school desk I have restored! I kept it very rustic and the kitties think it's an awesome place to sit and look at birdies.