Nothing is promised

Things change oh so quickly. I was feeling confident last week and just about to buy more furniture for LM's room. Yesterday that changed. My SW New Stork came for a visit - we have been ordered by the court to have 3 visits per week. Starting right now. Okay I am off for 2 more weeks before the return to work so I will work it out. Plan has been I will do friday visits, hubby will do wednesday visits and the agency will do the third. Well - New Stork is leaving town for another job. Both agencies are complaining about being short stafffed, so supervision is difficult.

This part pisses me off - a lack of visits therefore not following court orders makes the court pissy. I hear not everyone is pleased that Little Man is placed so far away, so we need to have visits be a non issue. So the systems BS could get this boy taken from the only home he has known so he can be closer.

Another bomb dropped, grandmother is now requesting placement. I have no idea if this is a real threat to us or not. I know the court favors relatives and not much weight is given to the child's bonding in foster care.

I've been a very good mother to LM, better than I thought. I don't know how to handle this new turn.

who's your mama?

I get a big thrill every time Little Man is held by someone else and looks for me. People instinctively say "Where's mommy?" It's heart melting.
Yesterday I was picking LM up from the visit with his birth mom. She was talking and cuddling him. LM saw me and smiled and leaned my way. I don't think the birthmom took it poorly. She kept talking to him and me, she said "ah-goo." This is a common sound from LM. Then she told me she has written down "ah-goo" in his baby book as his first word.
Back out in the car driving away with my baby I wanted to cry. What kind of mom am I? I have no baby book for him. What will happen to her if she can't get this boy back? What is Mother's Day like for us?

This week I also had a visit with the county social worker. It answered a lot of questions and gave me hope that LM will be staying with us for along time and likely forever. There are plenty of hoops to jump through and a long drawn out legal process for the birth mother to go through, bless her heart. And starting asap we will have to take him to 3 visits per week. He's part of our family and we will work it out.

Broken record

Yep you guessed it the, disposition hearing was continued again. Now until 4/7/11. I did find out the reason is related to something the birthmom doesn't want to do and CPS is asking for. Well hummm we'll all just ponder how that is going to play out. I don't know why I bother my pretty little head about these things. I have no way of knowing the decision making process in these types of situations. I can guess that safety of the child is the primary goal, not really quality of life.

When I think about how it is to be the birth mom I get sick. I hate to have such joy at the cost of someone else's pain. My ideal now would be to adopt little man with her blessing and be able to keep in touch with her and her family. Am I dreaming? We'll see. New Stork is going to attend the court hearing this week and report back to us. We also discussed filing for de facto parent status. It is something I need to research, but would give us a stronger legal standing.

On little man news - he is 3 months old! Over 16 pounds now, cooing, drooling and smiling like crazy. This weekend we had our first cold together, but he is much better already. I found a home daycare to begin in May when I have to return to the job I don't much care for anymore. I know daycare is a fact of life for many of the children in the USA, but wouldn't it be nice to have a government that supported a parent at home with the child for at least the first year of life? I am lucky that FMLA laws exsist and that I can afford to take off those 12 weeks. My work has made it clear that I must return when that time is up. No extended leave for me. I hope the transition and life in daycare is not too traumatic for him.

ICLW ~ come on back now, ya'hear

Welcome friends and "I Com. Leave We" peeps. Well today was the big day again.
Annnnnddd, I still know nothing.

Our Little man has lived in our home for over 2 months and NO county social worker has come to see him at our home. Today was going to be a visit with his SW and the SW from our agency AKA New Stork. We were hoping to hear how the very important Jursdiction/Dispostion hearing went that was supposed to happen on 1/27/11 and then got delayed until 3/7/11. I got a call this morning from the county SW and she has to go to court on another case so no visit with her.

I asked a bit about the case. There are only two names of men who may possibly be his bio dad that they can try to track down. No word from either of them. The JD hearing DID NOT happen on 3/7/11 because the mother's attorney asked for more time. It is now set for 3/24/11. I have no idea what that might mean. I also expressed my concern regarding logistics and visitation once I go back to work. Again kind of a moot point to make a real plan until the JD hearing is done.

So we continue to wait, while LM gains weight. Check this out.

LM's hand (the tan hand) at 11 weeks is bigger than the hand of our 5 month old friend! I think he's gonna be a big boy :o)

2 months with Little Man at home

Time flies. Two months already, but I wish we could fast forward 6 months, because that would mean LM was even more likely to stay with us.
Right now I have our agency social worker visiting us once every 2 weeks instead of weekly - yeah! The visitation schedule is still at 2 days a week, but now I take LM to meet his birth mom at a "mommy and Me" class that lasts 1.5 hrs on wednesdays. Friday visits are the same 1 hour at the CPS county office. Next Monday the county social worker will be coming to my house for the first time. I am hoping to get a better picture of where we are headed at that time.
LM and I have our routine, morning nap, poop, afternoon nap with eating and playing in between. He is a happy little guy. We have "spa night" every once in a while when he gets in my big tub with me. He loves to float in the water, all that baby fat sure is bouyant! But how does the boy get so much dirt under his nails???

time for a random cat picture . . .


Jack is up top and Dorian is getting a bit too big for the condo.

baby roulette

I feel like I am playing a game, trying to weigh the benefits vs. risks of putting everything I have into this baby boy. At first it seemed like a no brainer, easy, jump in give him everything and keep him forever. But things have started to change, not in my heart, but with the county who placed him with us.
Last friday I was told LM and his "mother" would be starting baby and me classes making his wednesday visit longer. I thought, oh Okay - so we can make his wednesday visit longer and drop the friday visit. Oh no, the person who supervises visits said "We really should be having 3 visits per week." Never mind the price of gas and my gussler car, but I was shooting for less visits NOT more!
I was in tears for the drive home friday and semi pissed off all weekend. I have to return to work in May. I was hoping we could be down to one visit per week and that Hubby and I could swing that. Should I go back sooner to hopefully save some of my time off for another placement? Is the county going to move the baby from our home because we are too far away to support reunification efforts? We are the only family LM knows. If he goes back home do we have a right to have placement later if she fails him again?
The child was remove from the mother in January and FINALLY the Jurisdiction/Disposition hearing is set to happen this thursday. We aren't allowed to go or to see the court documents, but there will be court orders that greatly effect our lives. It sounds horrible to have him move just because we are too far away and I have to go back to work. 3/21/11 our New Stork and the County SW will come to meet at our house and see LM in his home. I have know idea what things will look like by then.
It doesn't really matter that he is doing well in our care. Its all about getting him back to his birth mother. She didn't really do anything wrong, but she has an illness that needs to be under close control in order for LM to have a safe life with her. How do you measure that? The next few months may go well for her, but her life could easily fall apart. I just want him to have a good future life.
I think I have shot my wad gambling on this baby.

Jack the junkie

One of our cats has a problem. Maybe he was taken from his mama too soon.

Hubby picked out this kitten because he thought the kitty looked like he needed help. (I picked out the other one because I thought he might be able to kill squirrels someday, but that is another story.)

Jack is hooked on silicone baby bottle nipples. He also thinks all of the baby things are for him. I could almost understand that one, but Dorian knows the difference between a cat toy and a baby rattle. At first I thought it was the milk - what kitty doesn't like baby milk right? I found myself having to shoo away Jack from every feeding, and quickly get the mostly empty bottle over to the sink. Very soon Jack found our stash of clean nipples in a bowl by the sink. I would find nipples on the floor looking like this.

One I found was entirely severed. A few days later cat barf revealed where the silicone tip had gone. We changed our storage method and now all clean nipples are kept in the salad spinner WITH the lid on it. As long as we remember to keep it closed they are safe. Dirty nipples in the sink are not. At first he would not fish them out of the standing water, but the "nipple jones" cured his fear of water. Then we discovered a high layer of dish soap bubbles bought us more time. But no soap seems to last all night and Jack can be a patient junkie. For now we a dishwasher basket in the sink to put the dirties in - have to remember to close that lid too! I stopped counting after Jack destroyed 6 nipples. I just buy more and try to be vigilant.

The really funny part is the crazed look Jack gets in his eyes when he actually fools us and gets his prize. You can hear him jump up on the counter and if he is successful he will run wildly around the house. I chase - he runs, but has not figured out to go where I cannot follow. Eventually I get the nipple back. Hopefully with no puncture wounds.

We'll see if Jack can kick his habit before we move on to drinking out of a cup!