ICLW ~ come on back now, ya'hear

Welcome friends and "I Com. Leave We" peeps. Well today was the big day again.
Annnnnddd, I still know nothing.

Our Little man has lived in our home for over 2 months and NO county social worker has come to see him at our home. Today was going to be a visit with his SW and the SW from our agency AKA New Stork. We were hoping to hear how the very important Jursdiction/Dispostion hearing went that was supposed to happen on 1/27/11 and then got delayed until 3/7/11. I got a call this morning from the county SW and she has to go to court on another case so no visit with her.

I asked a bit about the case. There are only two names of men who may possibly be his bio dad that they can try to track down. No word from either of them. The JD hearing DID NOT happen on 3/7/11 because the mother's attorney asked for more time. It is now set for 3/24/11. I have no idea what that might mean. I also expressed my concern regarding logistics and visitation once I go back to work. Again kind of a moot point to make a real plan until the JD hearing is done.

So we continue to wait, while LM gains weight. Check this out.

LM's hand (the tan hand) at 11 weeks is bigger than the hand of our 5 month old friend! I think he's gonna be a big boy :o)

2 months with Little Man at home

Time flies. Two months already, but I wish we could fast forward 6 months, because that would mean LM was even more likely to stay with us.
Right now I have our agency social worker visiting us once every 2 weeks instead of weekly - yeah! The visitation schedule is still at 2 days a week, but now I take LM to meet his birth mom at a "mommy and Me" class that lasts 1.5 hrs on wednesdays. Friday visits are the same 1 hour at the CPS county office. Next Monday the county social worker will be coming to my house for the first time. I am hoping to get a better picture of where we are headed at that time.
LM and I have our routine, morning nap, poop, afternoon nap with eating and playing in between. He is a happy little guy. We have "spa night" every once in a while when he gets in my big tub with me. He loves to float in the water, all that baby fat sure is bouyant! But how does the boy get so much dirt under his nails???

time for a random cat picture . . .


Jack is up top and Dorian is getting a bit too big for the condo.

baby roulette

I feel like I am playing a game, trying to weigh the benefits vs. risks of putting everything I have into this baby boy. At first it seemed like a no brainer, easy, jump in give him everything and keep him forever. But things have started to change, not in my heart, but with the county who placed him with us.
Last friday I was told LM and his "mother" would be starting baby and me classes making his wednesday visit longer. I thought, oh Okay - so we can make his wednesday visit longer and drop the friday visit. Oh no, the person who supervises visits said "We really should be having 3 visits per week." Never mind the price of gas and my gussler car, but I was shooting for less visits NOT more!
I was in tears for the drive home friday and semi pissed off all weekend. I have to return to work in May. I was hoping we could be down to one visit per week and that Hubby and I could swing that. Should I go back sooner to hopefully save some of my time off for another placement? Is the county going to move the baby from our home because we are too far away to support reunification efforts? We are the only family LM knows. If he goes back home do we have a right to have placement later if she fails him again?
The child was remove from the mother in January and FINALLY the Jurisdiction/Disposition hearing is set to happen this thursday. We aren't allowed to go or to see the court documents, but there will be court orders that greatly effect our lives. It sounds horrible to have him move just because we are too far away and I have to go back to work. 3/21/11 our New Stork and the County SW will come to meet at our house and see LM in his home. I have know idea what things will look like by then.
It doesn't really matter that he is doing well in our care. Its all about getting him back to his birth mother. She didn't really do anything wrong, but she has an illness that needs to be under close control in order for LM to have a safe life with her. How do you measure that? The next few months may go well for her, but her life could easily fall apart. I just want him to have a good future life.
I think I have shot my wad gambling on this baby.

Jack the junkie

One of our cats has a problem. Maybe he was taken from his mama too soon.

Hubby picked out this kitten because he thought the kitty looked like he needed help. (I picked out the other one because I thought he might be able to kill squirrels someday, but that is another story.)

Jack is hooked on silicone baby bottle nipples. He also thinks all of the baby things are for him. I could almost understand that one, but Dorian knows the difference between a cat toy and a baby rattle. At first I thought it was the milk - what kitty doesn't like baby milk right? I found myself having to shoo away Jack from every feeding, and quickly get the mostly empty bottle over to the sink. Very soon Jack found our stash of clean nipples in a bowl by the sink. I would find nipples on the floor looking like this.

One I found was entirely severed. A few days later cat barf revealed where the silicone tip had gone. We changed our storage method and now all clean nipples are kept in the salad spinner WITH the lid on it. As long as we remember to keep it closed they are safe. Dirty nipples in the sink are not. At first he would not fish them out of the standing water, but the "nipple jones" cured his fear of water. Then we discovered a high layer of dish soap bubbles bought us more time. But no soap seems to last all night and Jack can be a patient junkie. For now we a dishwasher basket in the sink to put the dirties in - have to remember to close that lid too! I stopped counting after Jack destroyed 6 nipples. I just buy more and try to be vigilant.

The really funny part is the crazed look Jack gets in his eyes when he actually fools us and gets his prize. You can hear him jump up on the counter and if he is successful he will run wildly around the house. I chase - he runs, but has not figured out to go where I cannot follow. Eventually I get the nipple back. Hopefully with no puncture wounds.

We'll see if Jack can kick his habit before we move on to drinking out of a cup!

The current schedule . . .

So in the life of foster care to adoption you get lots of new friends.
We have a busy schedule right now and thank goodness we do not have extra doctor visits because Little Man is a normal healthy boy.
New Stork visits us every week, right now on monday mornings. Twice a week, wednesdays and fridays, we drive 120 miles roundtrip to see Birth Mom for an hour of supervised visitation.
Last week I met the County Social Worker who is in charge of the case now. She will be coming to our home at some point. I am not sure about the frequency of that visit.
No use for me to get cranky about the intrusions into our life because this will be the pattern for some time to come. I guess in one year from now we might have less people in our lives, but there is just no telling.
Today I feel very accomplished. I was able to make valentine jam thumbprint cookies for my hubby AND take care of an awake baby.
Little Man is sleeping right now and I think I'll get daring and attempt to shower AND wash my hair.
Crazy I know.

Ice Breaker

Yeah so we did have that meeting one week ago. It was very casual - Just us. Hubby, Me, New Stork Little Man and Birth Mom. Not even a single person representing the county that took the baby from Birth Mom. But then again they said the point was to talk about the baby and not the case. Alright - Birth Mom was "fine." She told us what she knew about Little Man, which isn't a lot since she has not had him with her. We let her know he is doing very well. Our New Stork tried to ask some probing questions about possible fathers, but it got nowhere. I think there are some very fuzzy details in Birth Mom's mind.
Funniest part she said she was concerned that we had to drive so far to bring the baby, but we looked like older people and were probably good drivers.
Hubby and I left feeling nothing but compassion for the Birth Mom. If she can do this she needs to get her baby back quick. The "clock" of services will not being until the next hearing is done. That hearing got pushed back to March, apparently there is more to investigate before the disposition. September would be the month for termination of services IF she shows no progress.
Hard for me to focus on just loving the little guy while he is here, but now that he smiles a bit its easier to live in the moment.

on edge

Not because of the baby, no Little Man is still awesome. Sometimes he sleeps a little less, sometimes a bit more.
No I am on edge because tomorrow we meet his birth mother. This is an organized meeting between all parties involved to communicate about care of the child. And, I suppose, to form partnerships in the reunification process. All good things.
I prefer my current illusion of LM as my forever child. I know its a lie I tell myself. I know it is for his good that we find out as much as we can about his bio family and support his mother in getting well. Maybe they have even identified a father by now. It would be nice for LM to at least know who the guy is or was. I can run wild in my head making up the endings to stories, maybe we'll hear some facts tomorrow. I must suppress the urge to present myself as the superior parental choice for LM because truth is, it is not a choice right now. The court has its standards and bio parents hold the rights.
No matter what LM gets a "win" and that is good.