the waiting (is the hardest part) Thank you Tom Petty

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As yes - waiting waiting. Oh yeah, finally got to see the draft of our home study. I guess I was waiting for that to be final because THEN we could move along in this fost/adoption process.
Turns out to be rather anticlimactic. There are no revealing secrets about us. No confessions told by my darling husband or friends who vouched for us. Just a bare bones (actually kind of dull) read portraying a forty something couple with a teen 1/2 time child.
I guess it is like any relationship you are trying to get into - its not good to look desparate, right?
I read over the home study and thought "well yeah, I want a kid to come live with us forever and ever, but hey I have everything I need. Why mess up the staus quo?" If I was a social worker hunting for the perfect home for a child wouldn't I want to see more passion? Or does that read "crazy." Are we supposed to be objective? Stick to what ever is best for the child, regardless of our personal feelings?

How many objective mama's do we have out there? Let's see some hands . . .

Really? don't even try to tell me you don't go all "Mama Bear" if someone tries to get between you and your baby!! So how are we supposed to form a family with this new child and stay open to the idea that the child might have to go back to birth parents who hurt them in the first place?

If that's not crazy talk then I don't know what is. People are in this process everyday - I guess I will have to trust the unknown and our ability to deal with it.

So officially we could get a kid in our house any day now - or it could be months from now. Stay tuned.

preconceptions - why does everything relate to pregnancy?

So despite the dragging of feet we have been assigned a social worker. Let's call her the Stork. So tomorrow the Stork is coming to look at our house and talk about I really don't know what. I have officially lost the ability to get worked up over "company" seeing my dust bunnies. I don't know if that is an age thing, but I do know my dearest darling husband cares even less than I do. As long as we are all in agreement I'm cool. Let's hope the Stork feels the same. Our house is not child proof right now, but we have made our efforts. On his second try DDH got the locking cabinet installed and we have all the kid locks and outlet plugs, they just aren't out of the packages yet. I admit I feel a little bitter about preparing for a child who may not be here for another year or more. Why should I break a nail every time I need to grab the dish soap when no child is in danger?
Bitter Betty . . . time for an attitude adjustment. I'm sure I will dream all night about my preconceptions, and conception, and let's hope this Stork can drop a baby in our cabbage patch soon.

the Sound of Dragging Feet

No, not the "pitter patter" as we had expected to have this year, all you can hear around our house lately is the sound of delays and avoidance. My "due date" for Blobby came and went in August without fanfare or even that many tears I guess. I had felt the need to "do something" a few months ago, so we signed up for an orientation at an adoption agency.
Neither of us felt really happy about the choice. It is a choice only out of eliminated options. Remaining childless as a couple still doesn't seem like the life I wanted, so adoption out of foster care is what is before us.Yes the awesome stepson is still around 50% of the time, but he is truly outnumbered by his parents, stepparents and grandparents, more kids are needed! We went ahead and completed the 9 weeks of classes this summer. Turns out to have been a very good choice and much easier to do when school is out.
I was surprised at how bad we both were about doing the homework and reading. My excuses? Well, I work in child welfare, I'm a pediatric nurse, I know all about this stuff, I had a crappy day at work hearing about abused kids I don't need to read more thank you very much. I don't know why the hubby is off his game, but I think he never was much for homework. I think both of us feel like we will deal with whatever comes our way, this is our child, with their own history and circumstances and we will deal with what arises just like other parents do.
Okay , Now I'm getting to the bottom of the feet dragging thing - I am pissed off that I have to jump through hoops to get a baby, when every other numbskull is popping out babies like Pez.
So far we have submitted 3 copies of fingerprints each, done multiple self reporting psychologic work sheets and suffered through some marginal presentations of truly disturbing information. The current hold up is on our personal "feeling" autobiographies. Oh yeah we have to write 4-10 pages about our lives/families and formative experiences. I have completed two paragraphs, hubby has done some as well. It's hard to think about what to put in, because ya know - social workers will be deciding if and what baby we can handle based on what we put out to the world.

It's a little more thought provoking than a back seat romp without birth control.

We have 1 make up class to do - sexual abuse on 10/6/09 - oh joy. We are committed to having our autobiographies written by then, unless we can figure out another delay tactic.