feeling silly

I wonder if anyone will read this? It has been more than a year since I posted anything, but that is only because I have been busy living life.
We officially adopted our child March 2012 so this year we got to file taxes with the adoption credit, still waiting for the money.
Our boy is something else, all kinda smart, very active, great fine motor and physically strong.
I have dealt with some wacky daycare crap and the prejudice and assumptions that surround adopted children. Short version of the story is we have left the large daycare setting for the comfort of a home daycare. This woman appreciates what it is to be 2 years old and is strict and loving all rolling into one. My kid says "thank you Mommy, thank you a lot!"
Question I am toying with now, should I blog about the weight loss journey I am about to start? Would I find support in blog land? Would I be adding another layer of pressure on myself?
Not sure, but when I named this blog Wanna Bee, there were many things I wanted to be, not just a mom. Normal weight is one of the things I have NOT been in the past 20 years.
I wanna bee a regular sized woman, I wanna shop in the misses dept. I wanna like how I look in photos. I wanna be happy with me.

out of touch

Been so long since I have posted . . . I'm not sure how the other moms do it. I have no time at work to check the blogs or write my own.
Life is good enough. Hubby and I need to get our lives back sooner or later. Little Man is wonderful, funny and cuter everyday of course.
Adoption still not final, parental rights not terminated yet, but it is getting closer to the BIG .26 hearing!

Here is the latest surprising emotional roller coaster for our adoption journey.

Okay - so we are adopting from foster care. Everyone gets that part, parent losing their rights child in danger etc. Well it is a little different for us. 

First we have no birth father, nope, none, nada, immaculate type conception I guess. Legally we have put that issue to rest. Of course at some point that question will come up. And I am sure it will be revisited at different developmental ages. But dang - how do you explain that birth mom doesn't know who birth father is, when you don't even understand it??

Next - the birth mom never hurt our child, but he was in danger, due to her mental condition. People make a lot of assumption when you have adopted from foster care. AND we got our baby when he was 10 days old - really an ideal situation for a child in foster care, no excessive placement changes.

Since mother eventually expressed she would like to relinquish her reunification rights instead of participating in the services offered, we have another twist. Mom's attorney has requested we have a future legal agreement for continued contact through LM's life.

Last week we met with a mediator and discussed many options. I know it is good for LM but it is really hard to predict the future and be held to an agreement for the next 17 years with a person I know VERY little about. We have been told over and over that we do not have a legal obligation to make this agreement, but I am trying to be open. After our first meeting, the mediator went back to birth mom to negotiate with her.

I got word back last night - Birth mom doesn't want face to face visits - ever. Says it would be too hard on her. I started crying, it felt so final. I hope our family and our life together is enough for LM. I hope lack of birth parents is not a huge hole in his heart.

Sept ICLW - love you all for stopping by

I have been a bad poster! Good news it is because I am so happily busy at work that I have no internet time. Oh and I am trying to keep up with our little man when I'm at home.

I was watching him tonight - crawling on his knees now - he has given up the army style. He is just about to figure out pulling himself up. This boy has no fear! I think he'll be up soon. Tonight he would get on all fours and stretch out his legs, so his butt is the highest point on his body. I love the delight on his face when he figures things out.

Craftiness has been aching to come out of me. I love fall for the weather and the holidays and baking and Scrapbook Expo comes to our town!! Unfortunately I haven't done much with my photos since last year except take more to add to the pile.

Hubby has gotten very crafty lately - he has almost completed a deck off of our dining room. We have a french door to the outside and a small side yard. hubby has made the deck out of redwood and enhanced the look with real redwood slab bar and benches!! He is rockin' the power tools ladies - oh yes be very jealous :o) Pictures to come . . .

August ICLW

You people are awesome commenters! Leaving comments for a month old post, so out of date!

Quickie updates

3rd week at my new job - I am in heaven!! Great boss who is also new, and a company that just got voted one of the Best places to Work in Healthcare. I am drinking the kool aid and loving it!!!

Little Man loved vacation with us - the sand and ocean were a huge hit. It was spectacular to just be a family together for 2 weeks with no visitation or social workers in our lives.

I got LM in to a photographer for classic naked baby pictures at 7 months old - love them :o)

Court case was heard - officially birth mom has waived her rights to services. More hunting is being done for a birth dad - (SW has been ordered to call a particular bar and ask for him, wow.) Visitation is once a week for one hour.

The .26 hearing is set for December 8th. If everything flew by perfectly we could be officially a family in spring of 2012.

And - drum roll - My parents are driving from North Carolina to California to come see our LM. POWER OF THE BABY!!!  Rock on! Even bigger drum roll - I am actually VERY excited to see them :o).

Life is good, now if I could lose weight.

crap i missed it again!

Yep I totally spaced on the ICLW deadline for being included on the list. Oh, but, here I am anyway. Today I am packing up my desk and sorting through 17 years of work junk. Obviously RIGHT now i am taking a bloggy break. 

There are so many "manuals" I will not need now that I am leaving public employment, so many trainings, so rarely used. After 2 weeks at the beach :o) I will return and begin my new adventure with (you guessed it) new employee training! I just hope for some nice online reference vs. hundreds of dead trees in a PVC infested binder.

No news on the court process front for our Little Man. Verbally we know birth mom is committed to her choice, but it would be nice to have official recognition. We are going on our first family vacation with LM. We go to the beach every year usually for just 1 week. This year back in January before LM we planned on 2 weeks. The relaxation is going to be glorious! And it's perfect timing for my job transition.

I can hardly wait to share one of my favorite places with our LM.

and another thing

Hey people I forgot to share the other good news.

I got the job!!! I found out just before the July 4th holiday and my start date is August 8th - woo frickin hoo! There are so many pluses and only one minus to this transition, I am over the moon.

So why do I feel guilty for leaving my current employer? I will be letting go of that false sense of loyalty, don't worry. They would get rid of me in a heartbeat if the "business needs" dictated it. Actually I only have about 9 days of working in the office to go, then off to 2 weeks of vacation and on to the new job. I have been so angry at my work situation for the past 2-3 years. Layoffs of great co workers, seniority protecting the crappy ones, a demotion for me, a work place change that doubled my drive to work - all have added up to one giant pile of poop! Aside from those changes I am so over having my brain assaulted every day by the horror stories of what people do to children. I knew I was tuning out a few years ago and began asking for a change of venue/program to get a break from the ugliness. I have been told I am too valuable to my program to lose so I will have to stay. HA - I told them my choices were ask for a change or leave and now I can do it!!!

Having fantasies about dramatic quitting scenarios - any ideas my little internetties?

settling in

Everything is still just ducky around here. I have just been trying to absorb the idea of our Little Man staying forever!! A social worker friend said she hopes birth mom doesn't get "wishy washy," and ya know, that did not bother me one bit. This is a big decision. Little Man is getting harder to care for not easier and I think birth mom sees that. It has not officially been put into the court record yet, but that is the next step.
She is also letting go of her baby items by passing them on to us. Last week we got 5 boxes of assorted stuff, blankets, newborn clothing, formula samples, baby beauty products, baby monitor, carrier, crib sheets, bottles, toys and books. I got teary sorting through the items and seeing the preparations that were being made. A few treasures were found. LMs hospital bracelet and a baby naming book with a hand written note. The note was baby name possibilities and the final name she decided on for our Little Man. It is so wonderful for him and us to have these things.

Little Man is now 6 months old, we go for immunizations today and i will update ya'll later on that. We are also outgrowing our first baby gear items. Off they go into the world of baby recycling! Stay tuned.